listing out points does work...

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee

No, this isnt gonna be a review of pulp fiction, and neither did i see the movie anytime recently; it just seemed to be a nice way to start off a post and so......... its 9th may already, and the summer hols seem to be stretching out like a vast and silence expanse in front of me, the kinda stuff that you saw in No Country For Old Men as Llewelyn hunts deer in an opening scene. for the last 8 days(fuk! its only been 8 days), all i hav done is stay online,........................................and nothing else, the 5th was different, but that doesnt seem likely to be repeated for some time now. life it seems is full of contradictions, less than 10 days back all i wanted in life was the endsems to get over and me to get on the bus home, now i cant wait to get back. i guess until my maths results are out i cant say for certain that i'll be staying here for the entire vacations, mite end up going there after all. but here's the surprising thing, i dont wanna go back for a summer course, whch again contradicts what i said a little while earlier. and THIS my dear (and rare) reader is what is driving me nuts. and i knw its not just me, this is the basic human condition; the grass always has to be greener on the other side, and then, at times, when you actually have a chance of getting what you want, you dont know if you really want it or not, what was an idle wish turns terrifying when you face the prospect of it getting realized. daughtry nailed it when he sang "careful what you wish for, coz u just might get it all". look at me, no wait, let me do this in an organised fashion

1. night before the electronics paper, all i wanted from life was to clear the papers somehow and leave the insti for a good (i used the word "good") 2 and a half months
2. evening before maths, and we got a notice that a huge bunch of us would have to attend summer courses no matter what we do in the endsems, suddenly i started seeing the brighter side of staying here in the summer, good grades, loads of time with certain persons; summer course suddenly seemed a lot better.
3. after maths paper we are told we could go home and not have to attend summers if we clear our papers in the endsems, making it possible for me to come home the next day, summer course again seemed the last thing i wanted, and i ended up having one of the most memorable days of my life.
4. getting on the bus and realizing that these were the last few hours made me wish we could just stay back, i even dreamt up a utopia of sorts, where rkl's weather turns all pleasant, the kinda stuff we had in february, with no classes or anything, it was gud.(i was doing all this when everybody else in the bus had fallen asleep, leaving me alone with no one to talk to)
5. the moment i reach home, to mum's parathas and the air-conditioning and the bike, i forget i ever stayed in a place called rkl; summer course? wat summer course?!
6. 48 hours of home-coming euphoria and i start missing each and every detail of the life i had back there.
7. in the next few days, i find out that a large no of ppl are doing summer courses. isnt NIT wat i am missing? wont all my problems get solved if i just did a summer bak in the insti? wont i get out of this boredom, this state of inaction that i am living in?
8. but then why did i feel so fuckin relieved when i found out that i have cleared my electronics paper? why is it that i miss everything abt my college but i dont wanna go bak?

so i just read all that i had written till now, and i guess i now have the answer to all my questions. its hard admitting it, but i guess my life back in NIT has indeed come to REVOLVE around just 1 focal point. as long as that factor remains in the insti, i wanna be there too, if that factor is not going back for a summer course, the comforts of my home are a much better alternative. does this describe the general human condition too?

P.S. How did i get like this?