Saturday, November 20, 2010

It doesn't Matter

I’m sick and tired of faking smiles. Sick of all the happiness around me. The world’s a sham, life’s a joke. No one fucking cares. No one. There is no all powerful being sitting up there in the clouds looking down at you with a benign smile, slowly and masterfully guiding your life to eventual peace and contentment. He doesn’t give a shit. And neither do I. Coz I have learnt it the hard way. I have learnt it the hard way that there’s no plan for any of us. I learnt it when dreams I had built painstakingly were brought crashing down, ruthlessly, without a second thought; like a child who gives hours of effort and patience to build a sandcastle, and without warning, a sudden fluctuation in the ocean’s tidal dynamics produces a freak wave which washes it away. A loss so big for the poor kid, but did the ocean with its billions of metric tonnes of water even notice what it did? Somebody should have just walked over to the child when he was beginning to build his castle, picked him up and told him, “Whatever it is that you’re planning to do, it wouldn’t matter”. And it doesn’t matter. Never. Do what you want to pander to your desires, but in the end, the happiness is only momentary. IT DOESN’T MATTER.
Is this that hard to see? Why do people around me laugh? Why are birthdays celebrated the way they are? Don’t they see how overhyped the concept is? Pretend to rejoice the day you were thrown into this pigeon-shit existence for the next seven decades(barring the few lucky ones)? What’s in that fucked-up flower your lover gave you that’s making you give me that big-toothy one? Its gonna fuckin dry up, and then stink as fungi and bacteria make a meal out of it. Why the applause when the teacher announced he would not be taking classes tomorrow? Do you think that made him any nobler than he is? Do you for one second doubt his intentions to screw your lives the first chance he gets? So you landed a job? Congra-fuckin-tulations! You just signed away 50% of the waking hours of the rest of your useful life (if that’s even a phrase) to working your ass off doing something we both know you hate the guts of.
So why the fuck do you laugh? Or even cry for that matter? Why do you celebrate? Or mourn? If you think it matters to someone, go get a good look at yourself in the mirror. All of it is inconsequential, YOU are inconsequential. Puke out the food you eat, bleed till you drown in it, shout till you can’t hear yourself anymore, or simply hold your breath and just keep holding....

18 comments:

  1. Woah!! That's a level beyond frustration, but what we all feel at some point or the other in our lives!! Hope penning it all down did its job :)

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  2. Really loved it...
    That was Eminem in prose,if not better.The piece does what only few can pull off-lifts the tame shroud of hypocrisy from the modern day youngster's perpetual angst.
    Way to go.

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  3. @satya....ur comments are masterpieces in themselves...applause..!!

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  4. I know i sound like a hypocrite but i found it a bit too cynical... what i don't like is that u question the purpose of life and the small pleasures... :D... a stephen king line comes to mind: there is limit of horror that the human mind can endure. And after a threshold, either sanity returns or the sense of humour kicks in. always figured u and i for the sense of humour kind. All in all i didn't find it a great read, but liked the 'imagery' if thats what its called

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  5. @bv.......u gotta allow for times when the mind's goin thru neurotic depression.......i cudnt write somethng this sorta if u askd me now

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  6. This is genius, sheer genius.Too good.Too good,too good!

    One can feel the dynamo-like throb of adolescent angst in every word,every turn of phrase,every goldarn punctuation mark,so to speak...Devraj,mate,you've used English in a way that only people like an Adiga or a Truman Capote can match.It's the literary equivalent of Beethoven's symphonies,not just Eminem,OR Dali's paintings OR something that stands out as HIGH ART...the words soar, the ideas fly in the face of neo-Puritanic thought with a ferocity that is difficult,if not impossible to recreate.

    The last time I read anything like this (and I do read a bit,now and then) was in Salman Rushdie's "Fury"...these undercurrents of incivility and inchoate anger have no rival beyond the very greats of literature,period.This is one of best blog posts EVER written,simply too good.You belong UP THERE,my friend,UP THERE with the Nobel winners and literary trendsetters.

    It is an honor to know someone who can write stuff like this, an absolute privilege.

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  7. dude, i am overwhelmed.....but if u ask me ur comment itself surpassed my article when it comes to writing skills....anyways thanks a lot for your appreciation, as exaggerated as they might be.

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  8. P.S. this was a first draft, and i wrote it in 20 minutes

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  9. 20 minutes...!!!!!!
    wow,further proof of your genius!


    I'M overwhelmed!

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  10. wow......u jus picked d right topic. I totally agree with u. U hve jus brought out the ugly truth of life.

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  11. ws searchin 4 a sensible ryter online.. nd i hapnd 2 come across yur blog randomly.. nd den *whooooosh* ... i got totli swept off my feet!

    dude ur professional wid this thing :) ... i luv d way u ryt :)<3

    p.s : incase ur wondering hus tis weirdo outta nowhere.. well im a friend of nishant :)

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  12. well madhura......i'm glad u liked it..!!!

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  13. ya, this is more like it. i saw this blog after the other two and think you should devote much more time to this - continue venting what YOU feel about life......will do your best work then.
    Excellent work

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  14. I loved this. when alice in chains quote in one of the songs - "one who shouldn't care is one who shouldn't be" i love it and when you state here- "nobody fucking cares" and moreover, the WAY you do it throughout in this post, it makes me think, wonder.
    there is a lot of noise in the background or i would have surely tried to jot something down on the same thought. or something weird that came out of the thought.

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  15. i sure wud like to read THAT aman, when u do write it

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  16. I was reminded of how I look in most photos. Everybody smiles but I can't keep the same stance. Sometimes I try but I don't have it and I seem ridiculous. I never understood faking emotions in photos. I just keep a serious look.

    My parents tell me to smile. As in faking. They don't produce a similar feeling inside family though. They produce an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, serious, restrictive attitude and then faking it like everything is fine.

    About meaning, realizing that there is no meaning in our existence somehow left me with a positive attitude rather than negative. Like I was released from this burden. Though, sometimes I wish I could believe in something. Well, today I believe in my individuality. I also believe that this world is ridiculous so I don't need to take it seriously.

    But yes, sometimes my mood is different and I don't feel so nicely. Then I try to be patient and say to myself that better days will come.

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  17. develop this thought, would make a good post in your blog

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